Nailed on the Head

This morning as we were rushing around, Ed casually mentioned, "There's an article on the front page [of the Washington Post] you should read - it's about 'Twilight' fans and the new movie."

"Whatever. I'm not one of those 'Twilight' fans." (Even though I got pre-sale tickets to "New Moon" tomorrow night with some friends.)

"No, it's about women who love it but don't want it admit it. It's about you. Just read it."

On the front page? OK, I guess I can spare the time...

"'Twilight', the love that dare not speak its shame" is about older women (like older than 17) who got sucked into the black hole, loving and hating every minute of it. Wow. Very, very, embarrassingly accurate. Go read it if you care; maybe it applies to you, too. If not, here are a few choice quotes:

1)...they thought "Twilight" could not come for them. They were too literary. They didn't do vampires. They were feminists.

"Prior to 'Twilight,' my favorite books were by Anthony Burgess" and Ayn Rand, says Jenny West, 32, who had never heard of the series until she saw ads for the movie last year. "I bought 'Twilight' [the book] with the full intention of ripping it apart." Then she read it. In one night. Bought "New Moon" the next day. "I was kind of horrified with myself, and I had to keep going." When she finished the last book, she reopened the first one and started again.

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2) One minute you're a functioning member of society, the next you're succumbing to the dark side, wondering how deep you're willing to go -- and what that longing says about you.

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3) The women who have succumbed to "Twilight" have heard all of these arguments before. They wrote those arguments. This self-awareness is what makes the experience of loving "Twilight" a conflicting one, as if they had all been taught proper skin-care routines but chose instead to rub their faces with a big pizza every night.

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4) Men feel perfectly comfortable slathering their chests in greasepaint and screaming like half-naked ninnies at football games, but women too often over-explain their passions, apologizing for being too girly or liking something too trashy.

The grown women of "Twilight" will no longer apologize. They will go to those midnight "New Moon" screenings.

But as for telling them how silly they're being, how Edward is not real and neither is Jacob, how their brains are rotting and their sense of reality is being distorted and this obsession is crazy, just crazy? There's really no need.

They already know.

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Yeah, ok, so I did resist for a long time, scorning the popularity and obvious pathetic-ness of it all. I did read all four books in a week, staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning and neglecting every adult responsibility in my life. And yes, I immediately went back and re-read books 1 and 4 when I was done, and then part of 1 again and then 'Midnight Sun' on Stephanie Meyer's blog. Yeah, ok, so I admit it made me feel 17 again, emotionally intense and alive.

But since I'm grasping for things in my favor, I'm going to the 7pm Friday show, not the one on Thursday at midnight. I have not visited Forks, nor do I have immediate plans to. I own no 'Twilight' paraphenalia or clothing. I have joined no Twi-hard fan sites or blogs, much less started my own. And if our baby is a girl, neither Bella, Rosalie nor Renesmee will be in the name.

However, if it's a boy, and the middle name happens to be Edward, well that would be after his Dad, and not the books, wouldn't it?